Vacation Part I - New Zealand

These are the wonders of Down Under. This is the story of my trip to Australia.

Actually this is the story of my trip to New Zealand, I have just started all my posts with that line and I figure I'll keep it going. Working in Australia had been pretty awesome, but my birthday was coming up and everyone needs a vacay eventually right? So what should I do? Shred in New Zealand, of course. It was gonna be IPIC MATE! *epic, kiwi accent*

Queenstown in plane sight (puns lol)

I left Brisbane for Auckland, with the intention of staying the night in the Auckland International Airport during my layover before boarding the next plane to Queenstown. Don't do this. I have slept on cold tile floors before, but usually I am not judged by Maori sanitation staff whilst being fully conscious.

The tour crew at Minus 5

My main destination in New Zealand was Queenstown as the little town is surrounded by ski resorts and has a crazy high density of various bars. Flying in, I found that: 1. Air New Zealand has the best safety briefing videos of all time, and 2. The abundance of wondrously untouched snowcapped mountains surrounding the small town were one of the most breathtaking sights I've ever seen. I was staying in a little hostel run by the tour company (Haka Tours, cool people there) where I shared a dorm room with the other tour guests. That first night our group went for a couple drinks at Queenstown's sub-zero bar, Minus 5. The whole bar was made of ice, from the actual bar (duh) to the benches, decor, glasses, and even the bartender! (jk but seriously it was cold). You are only allowed a short time inside the bar as it has a low patron capacity due to building fire codes (ironic aye?), but that's all the time you need before hypothermia sets in. My favorite part was (figuratively) smashing drinks and then (literally) smashing the empty ice glasses in the ice rubbish bin. Hell yeah Brooo! *kiwi accent again*

Cardrona, with the massive terrain park right in front.

The trip was comprised of 3 resorts: Cardrona, The Remarkables, and Coronet Peak. We visited Cardrona on the first day, and it turned out to be my favorite. Bluebird weather (clear blue skies for you newbs) was complimented by the perfect piste. Although the great weather was closely followed by a massive blanket of fog, eventually I was able to find my way to the park, where I found the biggest booters of the whole trip, some up to 20m with crazy amounts of airtime.

The Remarkables

When we arrived at the Remarkables the next day there was a competition in the terrain park, so I went off to roam the groomed runs. Eventually I convinced our tour guide to break from the rest of the group (it was pretty easy) and venture out to the upper mountain where some intense chutes were said to lie. After hiking about 100m up past the top of the lift, we arrived at the chute; a 30m wide, crazy steep section of powder with a rock face to the right and a cliff to the left. Forgive me for not taking pictures, as it was SCARY AF. Anyway, made it to the bottom in one piece, and went to the lodge to celebrate my continued existence with a delicious hamburger. Finally the competition ended and the terrain park opened up, where I went for a shred with my newfound confidence of a man after a near death experience. The jumps were haggard and a bit slushy from the competition, but ya boy was still able to throw down some of his signature moves.

Jumping for joy at Coronet Peak

Coronet Peak was a bit of a downer compared to the other two, as the snow had thoroughly melted and refroze overnight, creating a solid sheet of ice over just about everything. Fortunately the snowcats were able to make the on-piste (groomed) stuff pretty good, but everywhere else was scrape central. Nonetheless, a small group of us went out and tore the icy slopes of Narnia a new one. A new experience for me was when we rode the T-bar lift. For snowboarders, they stick one side of the T-bar between your legs, and you hold on as it slowly takes you up the hill. While this may sound like a decent idea, the actual experience is more like slowly being punched in the balls for 10 minutes while trying not to fall over from catching an edge or fainting in pain. It's horrible, and should join the likes of parachute pants, subprime mortgages and Shakeweight™ in the special part of hell where "Call Me Maybe" plays on repeat.

Some other cool experiences in the land of the Kiwi bird include visiting the greatest burger joint south of the equator at Fergburger. Their massive chicken and bacon burger (called the Cockadoodle Oink) could've made it on Man V Food. Also, on the last day we rode the gondola up to the Stratosfare Restaurant/Bar for some great views of Queenstown and Lake Wakatipu, which was amazing to see.

Overall, the trip was a complete success, and ranks as my favorite birthday to date (and that's saying a lot for my cranky old ass 😋)